Forgot my point

Like everyone else, I do my serious thinking in the shower. I just let my mind wonder. Where ever it wants to go....

I feel like the hardest thing you will ever be able to do in life.... Is to be able to love yourself. Not in a selfish kind of way.. But being able to look in the mirror when you wake up, and think to yourself "I look beautiful (or handsome)". This is one thing I struggle with almost every single day. It doesn't matter what gender you are. But I would bet, instead of saying. "Damn my eyes look great today" you think to yourself "God this double chin is nasty". You notice your flaws way more then you notice the good things about your body. And It is so easy to notice what you dislike about yourself.  When it comes to being bigger then you would like, you start to lose the confidence you may have once had. Or maybe never had that confidence. I know for one, I use to be very confidence almost to the point of cocky. And now. I have very little confidence left. I don't wear bright colors like I use to. Makes people notice my stomach rolls to much. Or they may see my flabby arms. It's hard. I wear black and grey. And jeans with a sweatshirt. It doesn't matter if it's 30 below or almost 100 degrees outside. I do not want people to see my body. Which also makes it hard to want to get in the dating world. Who would want me?

Well instead of thinking like this. Having my own pity party. I find at least one good thing that I like about myself. Like how pretty of a brown my eyes are today. Or how at least my butt looks good in these jeans. I try to not dwell on the things I am trying to work on. Because that's the thing. Those rolls I have, they can go away. It just depends on me! If I have the will power to change how I look, it will see be thoughts like "my god I can see my 2 pack coming in". And that will soon turn into a 4 pack. Who knows! But if I have a poor mind set, then that 2 pack, will be a pack of MT Dew. Not abs.

One of the FIRST things you need to change if you are wanting to lose weight is your mind set.

YOU CAN DO ANYTHING YOU SET YOUR MIND TO!!

GOALS!!!!!!

Sooo... I have decided that with my busy life I will be going to the gym at 8 am. Probably the best time I can go. And there won't be able to of people there to judge me ha and nothing but eating healthy! Now my goal is to basically lose a lot of weight. It is much needed. Hawaii is in 4 months and I have to look the best I can possibly be. So nothing but eating healthy and lots of gym time!! I will have to think of some way to do it with a strained tendon on my knee. I may be able to run. But I don't really run. But I will keep everyone up to date!! And I will post at 9 am on the dot tomorrow! Yay!

Healthy yet very shitty

So.... It's been about a month since my last post of doing the great master cleanse. Now it's not great. It actually sucks. And I must say, don't do it. Destroying your body to be this size 2 person, or trying to look like Brad Pitt for the guys. That's not a life to live. If I have young readers, (younger then 21) and they read my blog. All they will think is "it's okay to starve myself" when it's not. I'm 21. And I spent a lot of my teen years thinking I needed to be a size 0 in order for guys to like me. That's how the media made it seem. So it's not okay.

I hate working out. Truly hate it! I am 5 foot even. So my little legs, don't move very fast. Running, completely out of the question. My run is normal people's walk. I'm not even sure why I thought track was a good idea. ANYWAY! I am going to try very hard to lose this weight before December 21st (day I leave for Hawaii and Orlando Bloom falls in love with me) the "correct" way you could call it. By "correct" way, I just mean eating healthier. Not completely cutting out my junk. But maybe instead of a Twinkie I'll have dark chocolate. Which is actually good for you. Instead of a mt dew, maybe drink some water. Switch the little things around. You'd be amazed by how much weight you could lose by switching the little things.

A few months ago, I had signed up for this gym membership. This membership includes a sauna, steam room, hot tube, pool, work out classes, the whole works. For 50 dollars a month. Now you may think "oh my god that's a lot"... Well it is. Especially if your not using it :)
I don't have a game plan yet of what I'm going to do at this really fancy gym. But I suppose something is better then nothing. I won't post videos. No one wants to see me work out. But I will keep everything updated. What kind of work out I decide to do. Or what food groups I decided to eat. I won't mention my weight. But I will mention my weight loss. And I think for a little motivation, I will get a little jar. And for every pound I lose, I can put a little Hersey kiss in it. So when I reach my goal weight, I can pig out like a little fat kid.

And a new thing to start. A quote of the day.

***** everyone is trying to speed up the life they have. To reach the end of the tunnel. Slow down. Enjoy the view. And eat cake******